We put the 'fun' in dysfunctional

So Thanksgiving was last week and there was family drama all around. The fiance's mother and aunt (sisters-in-law, not blood relation) got into a cat fight over what desserts the aunt would bring. They just happened to be in a local restaurant when this all went down. The fiance was present and mortified to say the least. He's not fond of public displays of any kind so this was too much for him. I don't think the aunt even brought what she said she would bring so it was all in vain. Then the aunt told her offspring to be at the fiance's mother's home 30 minutes earlier than the agreed upon time. How thoughtful. But, the future MIL kept her cool, everyone got plenty to eat and that's all that matters.

THEN, the fiance and I go to my dear cousin's house. We arrive, I introduce the fiance to those who haven't met him yet and we sit down. I realize almost immediately that my dear uncle, who is about 77 years old and has serious heart problems, is drunk, as is his wife who I believe is at least 80 if not older. Now the aunt is basically a pain in the ass even when she's sober. Add some Crown Royal to the mix and the fun really begins. She'd asked me 2 or 3 times when the wedding is (March Xth, I said patiently each time) and repeated herself about not really watching television at least twice. When the uncle and his step-daughter (also tipsy if not totally drunk) decided to play pool, we all shifted our chairs to allow ample room for the cues. I only got whacked once, thankfully. Luckily the fiance has already met the aunt, uncle and step cousin several years ago and was not taken aback by their actions. I, however, was mortified and almost wishing we hadn't come. The uncle was loud and obnoxious, the aunt more annoying than usual and the step-cousin, well, I managed to avoid her while we were there so I don't know how she was.

My other cousin (not the homeowner) started drinking earlier in the day as a means of coping with her immediate family. I heard something about a tavern and a chance to win $1000 but I'm not sure how the two are tied together. Her brother, the homeowner, was outside playing a game with his BIL and drinking mightily as usual. They come in, the cousin announces that the BIL owes him $50 and makes him pay up. A day or so later, my mother informs me that the cousin fully admits he is an alcoholic and has a gambling problem but has no intentions of dealing with either affliction. Huh. Imagine that.

As we're leaving, I hug the female cousin who'd been drinking all day and she mutters something about reconsidering and do I really want to do this a second time? She was referring, of course, to my impending 2nd marriage to a man with the patience of Job. I mutter something back (I don't even know what I said, I was pissed) and she turns to the fiance and repeats the same sentiments to him. When we got to the car I apologized for everyone's actions and we both agreed that planning a dry reception was the smartest thing we'd ever done. I also told him to ignore the female cousin as her first husband is/was a drug addict of some sort and the current live in boyfriend/mooch didn't find it necessary to divorce his wife but finds it ok to live with her and her mother in her mother's house. I'm assuming this is a rent free situation and I seem to recall hearing that his employment record is/was somewhat sketchy. So, I don't plan to take any marital or relationship advice from an alcoholic whose signifcant others are total losers.

Once again, an open bar spells disaster for my family. Perhaps I'll get liquored up before the next gathering so I can fit in.

Happy Holidays!